A text message to treasure

A few days ago I was scanning through my saved text messages trying to delete old ones and make room for new ones. I remember doing this shortly after Duane had passed away but making sure to lock any messages that might have been from him. I needed to hold on to any words that he may have spoken to me texts, written or taped. As I entered into 2008 text's, horrible that I have that many I know, I became aware that I was entering into the possible last text communications between Duane and I. Amazing how things just seemed to turn out, not a coincidence I'm sure. The last text Duane sent me said simply..."Take your time".

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"Take your time".

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I was probably shopping or out to lunch with Jessie or who knows what, but now it has gained such different meaning. One of my favorite songs is from Brad Paisley "Waitin' on a Woman", you must watch the video to truly appreciate the song, but here are part of the lyrics that make be boo hoo every time I listen:

"I've read somewhere statistics show

The man's always the first to go

And that makes sense 'cause I know she won't be ready

So when it finally comes my time

And I get to the other side

I'll find myself a bench, if they've got any

I hope she takes her time, 'cause I don't mind

Waitin' on a Woman

Honey, take your time, 'cause I don't mind

Waitin' on a woman."

He knew me so well.

One year has passed today since our separation began, seven little babies separated from a wonderful father, a wife separated from her dear husband, parents separated from a loving son. We all ache for his laugh, touch, humor, sincerity, knowledge and little bit of the man that we loved. Duane knew we would need little reminders now and then. So I will read that final text and take my time, enjoy life, cry, laugh, and eventually meet him at that bench where he waits for us, for me. I'll take my time, 'cause he won't mind waintin' on his woman.

I love you Duane.

Doorbells

I think we've all done it. As kids, I think we've all enjoyed it. But nothing could compare from my childhood or be sweeter to me than that ding dong ditch I received this morning. That sweet sound of the doorbell ringing, opening the front door and finding a beautiful bouquet of fall flowers. Thank you dear secret friend for bringing a smile to my face and happy tears to my eyes.
I can't express in words adequately how tough this past month has been. The anticipation of marking off the calendar one year since Duane's passing. But really the one year calendar dates won't start on November 10, they've started already. It was late August at the parent back to school night when we first noticed the jaundice in his eyes. Mid September when we discovered the cancer had come back and chemo would start all over again. The beginning of October when he finally decided that he just couldn't work anymore and took a months leave of absence, not knowing that would be the wisest thing he would ever do. To spend that last month none stop with Duane was such a sweet blessing to me and especially the young babies, Emma and Hannah.

When Duane passed I assumed that one year was a long time. Foolish girl. It's just a drop in the bucket. My heart still aches, hurts and will do so for a long time. When my eternal glasses break it's so hard to see past the temporal separation that Duane and I are enduring. And yes, I do believe that even though my sweetheart is happy, pain free and in a peaceful place that he feels the separation just as I do. You don't loose that love, it never fades, if anything it just grows and evolves.

Thank you my doorbell friend for readjusting my eternal glasses, setting them straight, and putting me once again back on the straight path. It's a long hard journey ahead. I need those little kicks in the rear especially when they're in flower form.

A 2-year olds torture device and a little chocolate on the side

Many many moons ago when I was first blessed with becoming a mother I knew of some classic toys that must be a must in my children's toy box. Toys like pop beads, the "corn popper" push toy, the pull telephone and the shape sorter. Do you remember the Tupperware shape sorter? Did your memory fail you too? My memory should be fired for the lack of devotion to it's employer. How could I have forgotten 6 previous children's suffering from this harmless looking toy? Fortunately or unfortunately for Emma, she will be the last of the Summers children to receive torture from the shape sorter. Such a harmless looking toy, educational, bright and really fun to shake the shapes out. But it's putting the shapes back in where the frustration begins for my little 2 year old. As my sweet, calm, level headed toddler begins her first embark on the shape sorter, giggles and grins are quickly replaced with "oh man!", "help me, help me!", and "I tant do it". The phrases coming from that child were hysterical, just the humor I needed today. She on the other hand did not find the humor in it, but someday she too will forget, purchase one for her toddler and then threaten to fire her memory for it's lack of devotion!

Because today is Friday, because I haven't blog in a very, very, very long time because I've had zucchini in abundance, I'm including a Chocoholics Anonymous recipe. This is one of my favorite summertime chocolate recipes simply because is uses a vegetable that any summer garden probably has growing out the wazoo! It's such a moist, chocolaty cake that is one of my families requested favorites. I have to give a big thanks to my dear friend Heidi for sharing this recipe with me.

Chocolate Zucchini Cake

1 1/2 c sugar
1 c butter
1 t vanilla
2 eggs
2 1/2 c flour
1/2 sour cream
1/4 c cocoa
1 t baking soda
1/2 t salt
2 c shredded zucchini
1 c chocolate chips
1 c chopped nuts, optional

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream together the butter, sugar, eggs and vanilla and beat 3 minutes until fluffy. Add sour cream and mix until combined, then add flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt and mix again until just combined. Fold in zucchini, chocolate chips and nuts. This is a stiff batter. Spread the batter into a 9 x 13 pan and bake for about 30 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean. Frost with your favorite chocolate icing. Yummy delicious!



Two little zucchini plants produced so much zucchini my kids thought they were about to die of zucchini poisoning. I was in heaven on the other hand, all ready to plant more next year just so I can make and eat another fresh from my garden
Chocolate Zucchini Cake!

I blame it all on......

Hopefully I can get my creative juices flowing soon because that part of my brain has been harshly deprived. Thanks Farmtown, Bouncing Balls and of course I don't want to forget Spinning Bubbles. Don't know what I'm taking about, "Join me on Facebook", well only if you want to be sucked into the pit of despair. :)

Jo Bro's*(insert teeny bopper scream here)* We Love You!

Nothing sums up last night quite like my Katie Rose. I treated the ladies with concert tickets to see our favorite boy band, The Jonas Brothers, and yes I meant "our favorite", I love them too!

You need to watch the videos in order to truly get the jest of Katie's frenzy. The first one cracks me up, the pure 100% delight and euphoria, they were simply just rising out of the stage.

This next one I decided to show you not because of the fantastic camera workmanship but the fact that Katie was shaking by arm silly! I swear between her and Molly I was brutally beaten. They both kept slapping my arm with excitement. And don't get me wrong, Molly was EQUALLY excited just not as frantic about her excitement. It was straight from the Beatles mania i swear!

This last video I think she was about to take flight! Watch her hands and her facial expressions. I laughed so hard, about to pee my pants hard.

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Yesterday I noticed that my diamond solitaire was missing from my wedding set. To say the least I was beside myself, looking and praying that the little diamond would be found. But so far no such luck, it really could be anywhere in the house or worse out in the world. I guess I don't really have to express to much how devastating this has been, but to find the silver lining and grace from God, since obviously it was going to fall out I'm so thankful that it fell out on the same day we went to see the Jonas Brothers. The complete sorrow and devastation was lifted away as I watched those 3 boys perform their hearts out.

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So Jo Bros, thank you, and WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!

One year older and wiser too....

Today my Benny Boo Boo turned 13. He wanted aviator sunglasses and "cool clothes, you know mom, shirts that don't hand down real low like I'm 6 feet tall but I'm not" and yes he was that particular, shoot me now. He also had to share his special day with Father's Day, a very weepy day in the Summers home.
One year ago my little man still let his mom pick out his clothes, choose his hair cut and he played with bugs named Fred.

One year later my 13 year old young man went to Abercrombie, got a shag hair cut(blech) and would rather look at cute girls, be cool and try not to be too much of a dork.

Bye bye my little man.

Good bye to a lose of innocence one that no 13 year old boy should go through.

But as the song goes, "one year older and wiser too..."

Happy Birthday to you!

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I love you Ben, I'm proud of you and of how much you've grown up. You are wiser and wittier and wackier and 100% completely WONDERFUL!

Nam Hai-Lesson Learned

If you happened to be from my neck of the woods, cook with an ethnic twist, or are just a glutton for olfactory punishment you know the store Nam Hai. Often I have frequented there, mostly for special soy sauce, curry or yellow split peas. Often I have taken a deep breath upon entering the store and braced for the worst. Never have I experienced what happened today.

After a fun lunch with three of my monkeys Jack, Hannah and Emma (I've been almost naked lately with the kids being scattered so much), I decided to run across the street to the stinky fish store as Jack calls it. All the noses present had experienced the Nam Hai aroma but today even my seasoned nose/brain connection cried out to the Heavens for relief!

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One minute in the store, kid you not, I looked down at my regurgitating sensitive child Emma, (with almost that same expression on her face as in the pic) as she said "oh, it tinky!". Thank goodness for small blessings and baggies of cheerios in my purse, I was able to catch the nauseated child's vomit. Yes it was that smelly. So lesson learned, Emma is cordially uninvited to join me on my next trip to the stinky fish store.