Tonight as I read to Emma I couldn't help shake the feeling that Eric Carle's The Very Busy Spider was trying to teach me something. I'm not sure necessarily it was the moral of his story but non the less it struck a chord within my soul.
Throughout the book different barnyard creatures approached the very busy spider as she worked diligently on her masterpiece, the beautiful web at the end of the book. Each animal would invite the spider to ride, or eat some grass or just run in the meadow and each time the line would read "The spider didn't answer. She was very busy spinning her web."
What web am I spinning currently? My web is filled with fear and doubt, filled with anger and sadness. Each time I start spinning this web something happens, my sweet little barnyard animals approach me, but instead of offering me a ride or to munch on grass I'm asked to rub a back or read a book or the most difficult one of all, listen as my high school senior talks about his desire to join the Marines. My web of pity is halted in it's tracks, I am a mother first, always first, cancer fighter second. I can't push aside the reasons why I'm so angry to have cancer, my children. I need to listen and read and scratch some backs, I need to bake the brownies like I used to, sing in the kitchen again and giggle about what boy little miss Katie adores at the present. I need to celebrate with happiness major milestones with my oldest daughter, applaud the daring jumps off the pool ladder and grimace as I'm sprayed with stinky perfume. The very busy spider missed so many great opportunities to experience fun, and laughter and love, am I going to be like that? Heck NO! I need to be a mom first, I want to be a mom first, I love being a mom.
So to be a little trendy this is what I have to do......
Carry on being what I love the most, a Mother.