Seven Super Summers

A text message to treasure

2009-11-10T00:49:00.000-06:00

A few days ago I was scanning through my saved text messages trying to delete old ones and make room for new ones. I remember doing this shortly after Duane had passed away but making sure to lock any messages that might have been from him. I needed to hold on to any words that he may have spoken to me texts, written or taped. As I entered into 2008 text's, horrible that I have that many I know, I became aware that I was entering into the possible last text communications between Duane and I. Amazing how things just seemed to turn out, not a coincidence I'm sure. The last text Duane sent me said simply..."Take your time".

"Take your time".

I was probably shopping or out to lunch with Jessie or who knows what, but now it has gained such different meaning. One of my favorite songs is from Brad Paisley "Waitin' on a Woman", you must watch the video to truly appreciate the song, but here are part of the lyrics that make be boo hoo every time I listen:

"I've read somewhere statistics show

The man's always the first to go

And that makes sense 'cause I know she won't be ready

So when it finally comes my time

And I get to the other side

I'll find myself a bench, if they've got any

I hope she takes her time, 'cause I don't mind

Waitin' on a Woman

Honey, take your time, 'cause I don't mind

Waitin' on a woman."

He knew me so well.

One year has passed today since our separation began, seven little babies separated from a wonderful father, a wife separated from her dear husband, parents separated from a loving son. We all ache for his laugh, touch, humor, sincerity, knowledge and little bit of the man that we loved. Duane knew we would need little reminders now and then. So I will read that final text and take my time, enjoy life, cry, laugh, and eventually meet him at that bench where he waits for us, for me. I'll take my time, 'cause he won't mind waintin' on his woman.

I love you Duane.

Doorbells

2009-09-30T12:32:00.002-05:00

I think we've all done it. As kids, I think we've all enjoyed it. But nothing could compare from my childhood or be sweeter to me than that ding dong ditch I received this morning. That sweet sound of the doorbell ringing, opening the front door and finding a beautiful bouquet of fall flowers. Thank you dear secret friend for bringing a smile to my face and happy tears to my eyes.
I can't express in words adequately how tough this past month has been. The anticipation of marking off the calendar one year since Duane's passing. But really the one year calendar dates won't start on November 10, they've started already. It was late August at the parent back to school night when we first noticed the jaundice in his eyes. Mid September when we discovered the cancer had come back and chemo would start all over again. The beginning of October when he finally decided that he just couldn't work anymore and took a months leave of absence, not knowing that would be the wisest thing he would ever do. To spend that last month none stop with Duane was such a sweet blessing to me and especially the young babies, Emma and Hannah.

When Duane passed I assumed that one year was a long time. Foolish girl. It's just a drop in the bucket. My heart still aches, hurts and will do so for a long time. When my eternal glasses break it's so hard to see past the temporal separation that Duane and I are enduring. And yes, I do believe that even though my sweetheart is happy, pain free and in a peaceful place that he feels the separation just as I do. You don't loose that love, it never fades, if anything it just grows and evolves.

Thank you my doorbell friend for readjusting my eternal glasses, setting them straight, and putting me once again back on the straight path. It's a long hard journey ahead. I need those little kicks in the rear especially when they're in flower form.

A 2-year olds torture device and a little chocolate on the side

2009-09-11T10:29:00.005-05:00

Many many moons ago when I was first blessed with becoming a mother I knew of some classic toys that must be a must in my children's toy box. Toys like pop beads, the "corn popper" push toy, the pull telephone and the shape sorter. Do you remember the Tupperware shape sorter? Did your memory fail you too? My memory should be fired for the lack of devotion to it's employer. How could I have forgotten 6 previous children's suffering from this harmless looking toy? Fortunately or unfortunately for Emma, she will be the last of the Summers children to receive torture from the shape sorter. Such a harmless looking toy, educational, bright and really fun to shake the shapes out. But it's putting the shapes back in where the frustration begins for my little 2 year old. As my sweet, calm, level headed toddler begins her first embark on the shape sorter, giggles and grins are quickly replaced with "oh man!", "help me, help me!", and "I tant do it". The phrases coming from that child were hysterical, just the humor I needed today. She on the other hand did not find the humor in it, but someday she too will forget, purchase one for her toddler and then threaten to fire her memory for it's lack of devotion!

Because today is Friday, because I haven't blog in a very, very, very long time because I've had zucchini in abundance, I'm including a Chocoholics Anonymous recipe. This is one of my favorite summertime chocolate recipes simply because is uses a vegetable that any summer garden probably has growing out the wazoo! It's such a moist, chocolaty cake that is one of my families requested favorites. I have to give a big thanks to my dear friend Heidi for sharing this recipe with me.

Chocolate Zucchini Cake

1 1/2 c sugar
1 c butter
1 t vanilla
2 eggs
2 1/2 c flour
1/2 sour cream
1/4 c cocoa
1 t baking soda
1/2 t salt
2 c shredded zucchini
1 c chocolate chips
1 c chopped nuts, optional

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream together the butter, sugar, eggs and vanilla and beat 3 minutes until fluffy. Add sour cream and mix until combined, then add flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt and mix again until just combined. Fold in zucchini, chocolate chips and nuts. This is a stiff batter. Spread the batter into a 9 x 13 pan and bake for about 30 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean. Frost with your favorite chocolate icing. Yummy delicious!

Two little zucchini plants produced so much zucchini my kids thought they were about to die of zucchini poisoning. I was in heaven on the other hand, all ready to plant more next year just so I can make and eat another fresh from my garden
Chocolate Zucchini Cake!

I blame it all on......

2009-09-04T10:32:00.003-05:00

Hopefully I can get my creative juices flowing soon because that part of my brain has been harshly deprived. Thanks Farmtown, Bouncing Balls and of course I don't want to forget Spinning Bubbles. Don't know what I'm taking about, "Join me on Facebook", well only if you want to be sucked into the pit of despair. :)

Jo Bro's(insert teeny bopper scream here) We Love You!

2009-06-23T11:09:00.005-05:00

Nothing sums up last night quite like my Katie Rose. I treated the ladies with concert tickets to see our favorite boy band, The Jonas Brothers, and yes I meant "our favorite", I love them too!

You need to watch the videos in order to truly get the jest of Katie's frenzy. The first one cracks me up, the pure 100% delight and euphoria, they were simply just rising out of the stage.

This next one I decided to show you not because of the fantastic camera workmanship but the fact that Katie was shaking by arm silly! I swear between her and Molly I was brutally beaten. They both kept slapping my arm with excitement. And don't get me wrong, Molly was EQUALLY excited just not as frantic about her excitement. It was straight from the Beatles mania i swear!

This last video I think she was about to take flight! Watch her hands and her facial expressions. I laughed so hard, about to pee my pants hard.

Yesterday I noticed that my diamond solitaire was missing from my wedding set. To say the least I was beside myself, looking and praying that the little diamond would be found. But so far no such luck, it really could be anywhere in the house or worse out in the world. I guess I don't really have to express to much how devastating this has been, but to find the silver lining and grace from God, since obviously it was going to fall out I'm so thankful that it fell out on the same day we went to see the Jonas Brothers. The complete sorrow and devastation was lifted away as I watched those 3 boys perform their hearts out.

So Jo Bros, thank you, and WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!

One year older and wiser too....

2009-06-21T22:12:00.003-05:00

Today my Benny Boo Boo turned 13. He wanted aviator sunglasses and "cool clothes, you know mom, shirts that don't hand down real low like I'm 6 feet tall but I'm not" and yes he was that particular, shoot me now. He also had to share his special day with Father's Day, a very weepy day in the Summers home.
One year ago my little man still let his mom pick out his clothes, choose his hair cut and he played with bugs named Fred.

One year later my 13 year old young man went to Abercrombie, got a shag hair cut(blech) and would rather look at cute girls, be cool and try not to be too much of a dork.

Bye bye my little man.

Good bye to a lose of innocence one that no 13 year old boy should go through.

But as the song goes, "one year older and wiser too..."

Happy Birthday to you!

I love you Ben, I'm proud of you and of how much you've grown up. You are wiser and wittier and wackier and 100% completely WONDERFUL!

Nam Hai-Lesson Learned

2009-06-12T16:16:00.005-05:00

If you happened to be from my neck of the woods, cook with an ethnic twist, or are just a glutton for olfactory punishment you know the store Nam Hai. Often I have frequented there, mostly for special soy sauce, curry or yellow split peas. Often I have taken a deep breath upon entering the store and braced for the worst. Never have I experienced what happened today.

After a fun lunch with three of my monkeys Jack, Hannah and Emma (I've been almost naked lately with the kids being scattered so much), I decided to run across the street to the stinky fish store as Jack calls it. All the noses present had experienced the Nam Hai aroma but today even my seasoned nose/brain connection cried out to the Heavens for relief!

.
One minute in the store, kid you not, I looked down at my regurgitating sensitive child Emma, (with almost that same expression on her face as in the pic) as she said "oh, it tinky!". Thank goodness for small blessings and baggies of cheerios in my purse, I was able to catch the nauseated child's vomit. Yes it was that smelly. So lesson learned, Emma is cordially uninvited to join me on my next trip to the stinky fish store.

Because......

2009-06-10T21:07:00.002-05:00

....... he was playing 12 year old boy dress up with Christian.

.....he won them at the claw machine at Wal-Mart.

.......he couldn't find the bottoms so he wore the top instead.

........he thought it would make the most awesome, grande banana phone EVER!

And his momma misses him while he's at scout camp because.....

.....he's just my BEN!

Love ya buddy.

Molly Smiles

2009-06-07T12:54:00.005-05:00

You would think by now that I would be prepared and carry with me an arsenal of tissues. My eyes leak so often that whenever Hannah or Emma see me teary they automatically say, "You miss Dada?" Unfortunately they're right 99.9% of the time that I'm crying.

This recital weekend was no exception except the tears were 100% missing Duane. I should have known, Friday night was definitely a tear jerker for me and all around me, heck, anyone who knew our loved Duane couldn't help but be touched by his oldest daughters, my Miss Molly doing a beautiful dance tribute to her daddy.

"Molly Smiles" was just not any song chosen. This past Christmas Molly was given the gift of solo lessons and a solo performance at this years Pointe Night.(a gift because of the extra time and love her dance teacher Ms. Farry would be putting forth) When I talked to Ms. Farry not only was she on board but she had had a dream a few days prior about Molly dancing to "Molly Smiles". A true inspiration from our Father in Heaven I'm sure.

Despite the tears this year recital was just wonderful. The dancing and music was entertaining but the family support and love stole the show for me. Uncle Darrell came in from Colorado to watch the ladies and Jack perform (Ben opted not to this year which was wise since he was sick this weekend with a 103 fever). Grandparents, aunts and uncles and this year a new addition a cousin Zack all supported the kids through three separate 2 hour recitals, now that's love. Let's not forget my dear friend Jessie that took care of the little ladies, changed 2 mother load poopies and 2 hysterical Emma barfs, yes she is a true BFF(couldn't resist the slang).

Here's the video of Molly dancing to "Molly Smiles". Sorry, it's not that great, I was crying and nervous for Molly and trying to hold still all at the same time. Not a great video combination. I love my Molly and am so proud of her these past almost 7 months. She has shown not just outer beauty but her inner beauty especially when my Molly Smiles.

When Grace is in Charge

2009-05-28T07:30:00.002-05:00

When Grace is in charge..... pictures of the eyes pop up on the camera. (Don't you love to see the thought processes of a 6 year old?)

When Grace is in charge..... shoes are perfectly aligned.

I should leave Grace in charge of the trash!

Neglect 101

2009-05-26T21:19:00.004-05:00

I was thinking of teaching a community education course on neglect. It's been over a week now since the Summers home has taken the trash to the curb. *Notice the overturned trash can not in use or the lid on the other can again not in use.

Don't you think I'm perfectly qualified? One always wants a professor with not only smarts but experience. Neglect 101, not a course I want to have on my motherly resume.

*This is my 100th post, so ironic it's about trash. Does that say something about me? Yikes!

Well since a baby was not an option

2009-05-23T16:03:00.004-05:00

Meet Lincoln, the newest member of the Summers family. He's an absolute Pug-a-licious 9 week old bundle of sweetness. Duane was a Pug lover but never a Pug owner. Lincoln will be a sweet therapeutic puppy ready to help lessen some of our Daddy loneliness. And yes I know that it won't at all take away any pain we feel about losing my love to cancer, but how can that mug not bring some joy.
So why the name Lincoln? Ever since our dog Penny died we've decided to stick with an evolving theme for our dog names, Penny-Copper-Lincoln.(although size wise that is so not proportionate) Plus Duane's birthday and Abe Lincoln's birthday are the same. Perfecto!

He's such a little small fry compared to Copper the Moose. We were a little nervous about the meeting, I mean Copper is just so big. But after a few, well maybe more than a few butt sniffing sessions they seem to be getting along just peachy.

Grandma and Grandad, isn't that just adorable? Smile, he's our missing "Linc", a perfect fit for our family.

My favorite time of the year, wink wink!

2009-05-19T13:36:00.002-05:00

Have your children started a countdown yet? Soon the school year will be tucked behind us and ballet will come to a fantastic conclusion with the annual Dance Recital! Oh yes, my little ballerinas and tumblers will get all gussied up and dance their little hearts out.

As I'm finding with a lot of normal everyday activities that used to give me angst (and the ballet recital was one of those love/hate activities) I'm actual excited this year. *Theresa you can close your mouth now. I have been blessed to have the help of my mother these past 6 months since Duane's passing. She took over my job as ballet chauffeur and observer. It was one area that I needed to hand over to someone else, unfrazzled nerves were important for some reason and rush hour traffic never helps. But with the letting go of that task I lost the weekly check on their progress in dance. So like a relative visiting only at Christmas I will see the change in my little dancers.

Has Katie gotten the hang of point shoes?
Does Molly incorporate dramatic expression into her dance?
Will my Grace remember the dance or have to watch the teacher off stage
And lastly will Hannah-nannah break out in some form of the funky chicken or dance with her class?

But most of all I can't wait to see the tribute Molly pays to her dad. She's been working since the new year on a solo to the song "Molly Smiles". She loves dance and loved even more that her dad always worked backstage and even did a few dad dances for the recital. She misses that special time with him, I see it in her eyes. But I will feel the love I know radiating from that young woman when she dances, not for me or anyone else, but for her dad. It really will be my favorite time of the year.

Chocoholics Anonymous-I know I've said this before.....

2009-05-15T07:40:00.006-05:00

But, I think I may have found my favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe.(at least for this week)

It's soft yet crispy, loaded with chocolate chips, and has a surprising twist.

I got the recipe from a mom at ballet. She's quite the chocolate chip cookie lover I found out, they bake these babies every Sunday! I was shocked that they made them every Sunday, but after downing a few this morning for breakfast, I now understand why. I could make them a weekly ritual myself.

It's funny how very small the world really is. My sister's aunt in-law Lori goes to church with cookie Lori (yes, two Lori's) and cookie Lori also lives next door to Duane's oncologist(whom we loved). Aunt in-law Lori was talking about cookie Lori at Easter dinner and these fabulous cookies made their way into our conversation, so when I was at ballet last week cookie Lori(who has the recipe perfectly memorized), jotted it down and the rest is history. *Did you just follow that or did I just sound like an airhead?*

Lori's Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 c softened butter

3/4 c brown sugar

1/4 c sugar

2 eggs

1 t vanilla

1 small package vanilla instant pudding

2 1/4 c flour

1 t soda

1 t salt

12 oz chocolate chips ( I used a bag and a half)

Cream your butter and sugars together until light and fluffy. Add eggs one at a time then add vanilla extract and vanilla pudding. Lastly add in flour, baking soda, salt and chocolate chips. Spoon onto baking sheets and bake at 375 for 9-11 min.

No fancy steps, sifting, nothing really difficult. Lori says no matter how you make them they turn out the same delicious cookie every time. I love them, I'm sold. But I'm sure next week I will have cheated on them and found a new love. Just call me a cookie floozy.

Duane's gift to me

2009-05-10T22:49:00.002-05:00

Happy Mother's Day to those of you who have been barfed on, pooped on, slobbered on; kicked, hair pulled, yelled at; kissed, snuggled, cuddled, cooed at, and said in the sweetest of voices, "Mommy I love You!".

I wanted to share with all of you a special gift that was given to me a few years ago, that took the passing of my love for me to cherish it so. As I cleaned out my closet I found the hard copy of a talk Duane wrote and gave in church a few years ago on Mother's Day. I appreciated it then, cherish it now. I hope that all who want to read it feel how truly blessed we are to be called Mother. Click here to read the talk. I love you all, Happy Mother's Day!

Things that make you go EWWWWW!

2009-04-29T11:42:00.004-05:00

For years my friend Jessie and I have frequented many a McDonald's, definitely not for the food, but for the kids to have playtime and "McTherapy" as we've begun to call it. Her little monkeys are all in school now and it pretty much is a Hannah and Emma playtime while I chit chat with my best friend. So many memories. Poopy diapers, accidents, salt in strangers cups(good one Molly!), ball pits, slides, and lots of laughter. But yesterday topped them all, 14 years of going to McD's and Emma has left her mark(she has to compete fiercely, she has 6 other siblings to beat)!

At one point during our lunch I noticed the absence of my petite 21 month old Emma. Jessie and I began to glance around the possible hiding places. The horrifying thought crept into my mind, THE BATHROOM! Now the terror in my brain was only for the trapped little babe and her fear because she could not get out. "How long had she been in there?" I thought as I opened the closed door to the playrooms bathroom. Of course those fears quickly left as I glanced down at my naked child playing in the toilet, the TOILET! For the love of Pete! What kind of mother lets her toddler play in a public bathrooms toilet, Naked?(keep those comments to yourself) She was happily splashing, swirling tp around, and proud of the fact that she had thrown her diaper in the trash and had gone potty on the floor. Aah sanitary! Of course I did what any level headed mother would do and.....

took a picture!

The vile thoughts that raced through my mind could not be scrubbed like her sweet little arms were, thoroughly scrubbed, like a surgeons. I can only hope that the toilet had been cleaned recently, like 5 minutes before she decided to pretend play Polly the Plumber.

I'm just racking up those "World's Worst Mother" awards, don't even try to beat me, I'm an unstoppable force!

Am I off my rocker? You don't have to answer that!

2009-04-16T09:42:00.003-05:00

This morning I was just saying to my mom how much I have missed blogging. The ease and fun has not come as easily as of late. The joyful moments in my life have been slipping away because of my inability to think, type, and just find humor. Don't take this the wrong way, I have been laughing, but tears have been more prevalent.

Last night I listened to Hannah have a conversation with the wind, laughter felt good, smiling was nice. So when I read this quote by Marjorie Pay Hinckley I knew it wasn't a coincidence that I read it today.

"The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache."

I've had a headache a lot lately. The wheels started to turn and smoke started to billow from my brain, crying cannot take up the majority of my emotions, I need to laugh more, need to have more fun with my monkeys. My Ben tried to convince me yesterday that we needed a marshmallow gun. Yesterday I wasn't to convinced. Today, well today I think I need to make an investment in my mental well being and buy a few of these bad boys. Want to play?

My moods are giving me whiplash! Thanks Hannah

2009-04-05T11:18:00.007-05:00

For the past few weeks I've been bothered by this irritating crick in my neck. One might guess it's because of poor sleeping habits, or an improper positioning of my neck on my pillow. But after a deep examining of the past weeks events I've diagnosed it with whiplash from erratic moods complicated by a three year old.

First erratic mood situation. I come home from a fabulous date with my Jack, doughnuts and hot chocolate. Just a great time talking, listening, and of course eating yummy doughnut goodness. I come home to happy calls, "Mommy!", give my offering of doughnuts, hear praises of delight. Happy times, happy times! After a few minutes we notice the absence of one loud wild woman, Hannah. Katie comes running into the living room, "Mom, Hannah looks dead! She curled up with a blanket in the bathroom." WHIP! Emotional snap back, of course this mom automatically thinks the worst running to the bathroom, but then WHIP! quickly snaps back as the laughter follows the realization that she had just fallen asleep naked in the bathroom.
Next aid to my condition. My very first blanket project, a minky monkey quilt for my little monkey nephew Zackary Duane. Ohhh, how much fun I had(with the help of my friend Joni) learning how to sew my first quilt. The domestic juices were just flowing, a new love was developed, a calming activity found. A blanket was created that my sister loved and nephew looks adorable wrapped up in, but.......

WHIP! Another emotional snap. The very next day, last Sunday, Hannah decided that a wasabi almond was not suitable for her mouth, but better placed in her right ear. And of course I being the determined mother decided that I could retrieve the stuck nut, WRONG! My mood turned gloomy as we watched that nut slip farther and farther back into her ear canal and eventually gone because it had slipped so far back. *Note to self, that's why a doctor spends so many years in school, to save mothers and three year olds the heartache and pain of trying to retrieve stuck nuts. After several doctors and few unsuccessful tries Hannah ended up having an outpatient surgery to remove the wasabi almond. A nut head no longer.

The next day, presumably still under the influence, Hannah made a major decision, you know the ones advised not to make when coming out of anesthetics, she cut her hair! WHIP! After the euphoria of an almond free child, Hannah plunged us once again into a pit of despair. How on earth could we possibly fix the Billie Ray Cyrus doo she had created. Learning a valuable lesson just a few days before, I decided to call on a professional to fix the mullet madness.

And voila! An adorable child once again, thanks Genelle.

It's much shorter, a little more high maintenance, but sooo much better than the chop job I would have done. Hannah has learned much these past few weeks. Nuts only go in the mouth, hair is only cut by professionals and if mom comes at you with a pair of tweezers, RUN!!!!!

I decided that my neck needed to have a break, no more whipping back and forth between emotions. I would like to concentrate on one emotion at a time, and preferable in longer intervals. But after much crying on the shoulder of my mom, talking late at night, and a few great talks heard from some very wise and loving leaders of our church, I've decided that this too shall pass. It's hard right now, I relied so much on my Duane to get me through all these whiplash moments, but I have been asked to do it differently now, and I will. I will find a better way to muddle through life's roller coaster ride, without the whiplash. My neck needs a break!

Some things can never change

2009-03-18T23:35:00.002-05:00

Dear Duane,

We did it, we continued on with our family tradition! Spring break arrived, fighting commenced, couch potato's sprouted, sleeping in once again reigned supreme, Guidry playtime occurred and hotel heaven happened. I contemplated whether or not to embark on this last one task without you, but Duane, some things can never change. Katie brought a little remembrance of you along so you wouldn't feel that left out. We did miss you horribly, especially when I had to run home at 11:00 to get the sleeping bag that Ben forgot(I didn't even get a ticket! Are you jealous?)

How could we give up hotel pizza, Mazzio's with a little root beer, yum! Do you remember that first year that we had hotel pizza, we had just come back from the zoo and surprised the kids with a night at the Springhill Suites, man that New Yorker was divine. I can see your face now, huge smile, downing that slice of heaven. Such a silly little tradition, but it was ours and we will always think of you while we down our slices of heaven.

Don't you love the smiles on their faces? These moments strengthen me Duane, through all the hard times, and lately we've had a lot of those moments, little smiles like Gracie's give me just that extra boost to keep going.

Can you believe how excited our monkeys can get when you explain that since we are on the first floor, no one is beneath us and that they can dance and jump as much as they want? What a bunch of nut heads, it was like a night club, but without the booze, scandalously dressed women and looser dogs.

Emma decided to boogie down too! She perfected the fine art of eating calzones and dancing at the same time, without choking and barfing. As a matter of fact I think she was even serenading us with her lovely rendition of Life is a Highway.

We played a few games, fought a few fights(did you know Duane that Home Improvement had ugly people on it?), watched a little American Idol, snuggled a few babies to sleep and enjoyed the evening at the hotel. It's quiet now, the kids are all asleep, now and then Emma stirs, I miss you painfully right now but I know that for our children, fun traditions must continue. I love you dearly because, some things can never change.

Love,

Beautiful

A break in the clouds

2009-03-10T11:05:00.002-05:00

Like a warm burst of sunshine on a dreary day, little Zackary Duane Ipson has spread happiness and warmth among our family.
March 7th my sister Megan and her husband Ben became parents, welcoming to the world a 5 lb 15 oz bundle of sweet monkeyness. I've never held such a small fry before, my babies were all whoppers. Mom and Dad seem to be settling in just fine to their new roles as parents.

Motherhood looks beautiful on Meg. Welcome to the family little Zackary Duane. May you not get clobbered by your cousins!

Chocoholics Anonymous-A Tale of Two Turtles

2009-03-06T07:43:00.009-06:00

Today is my 16th wedding anniversary and I am in a serious need of really good chocolate. Honestly, today kinda stinks, big rotten egg stinks. I guess my rose colored glasses are broken, every time I think of the fabulous, happy memories about our wedding day I get all teary eyed. Even blogging about chocolate is trying my patients(I've been typing this post all day!).

I decided to make 2 kinds of turtle desserts, the first one is the pictured scrumdiddliumptious one above, a Paula Deen delight, the second one was this tried and true favorite. Both are equally rich, gooey and definitely filled that need to devour chocolate goodness. Why did I make two you ask? Today being my anniversary I was afraid that if I made the cake and it was disappointing I would be left wanting the other turtle bars, so better be safe than really sorry and grouchy(thanks for the life's lesson Brenda). *Warning about the Turtle Cake, my top cake layer didn't cook exactly how I thought it should, it was gooier than I would have liked it*

Turtle Cake

Cake:

1 box German chocolate cake mix

1 14 oz package of caramel candies

1 stick butter

1 14 oz can sweetened condensed milk

1 c chocolate chips

1 c chopped nuts

Frosting:

3 T cocoa

1/2 stick butter

1/3 c milk

1 T light corn syrup

1/8 t salt

2 c powdered sugar

1 t vanilla

Preheat oven to 350. Prepare cake according to directions on box. Pour half of batter into prepared 9x 13 pan, reserve other half. Bake for 15 minutes. Remove from oven and cool completely. Don't turn off oven. Meanwhile, melt caramel candies with butter in a pan. When completely melted, remove from heat an stir in condensed milk until smooth. Let mixture cool completely. Add chocolate chips and nuts. Spread mix over cooled cake. Pour remaining batter over mixture and return to oven for another 25 to 30 minutes. While cake is baking, prepare frosting. Mix together cocoa, butter, milk, corn syrup, and salt in a saucepan over medium heat. Bring to a boil and allow to boil for approximately 3 minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat. Using a handheld mixer, beat powdered sugar and vanilla into cocoa mixture: beat until smooth. Pour icing over warm cake.

Duane and I were the best of friends, completely madly in love. I miss him dearly and wish he were by my side this day, like he was those 16 short years ago. Really I do know that he has never left me, I am not alone, but sometimes that faith that you cling to slips and sadness sweeps over you. Right now I feel that sadness, just a longing to hold him, share with him some of my yummy creations, laugh with him about some of the children's antics, use him as a sounding board for my frustrations. I miss him.

We were two peas in a pod!

Hannah's version of tough love (and an award!)

2009-03-02T14:06:00.004-06:00

Shortly after Duane had passed away Hannah began a friendship with Jessica. A grown up woman with big boobs, grey hair and a baby. Did I mention where Jessica lives? My closet, yes you heard me right, my closet. Ahh, the sweet imagination of a three year old. Well for some time now Jessica has come out of the closet(no pun intended) to play with Hannah, join us for family gatherings, and even visit with us while we all piled on my bed. But sadly last week Hannah and Jessica apparently had a falling out.

Hannah: Jessica is mean!

Mommy: Really Hannah? Why is Jessica mean?

Hannah: She doesn't play nice with me and her don't like me! Her is mean, mean, mean.

Mommy: What should we do about Jessica Hannah?

Hannah: Let's put her outside!

Mommy: Outside?

Hannah: Yes(and she opens the door, and shoos out Jessica)

I feel such pity for Jessica and her baby, hopefully they can get imaginary government assistance.

Last week my bloggy friend from Arizona, Bobbi Jo gave me this sweet award. I have loved getting to read and learn about others sisters out and about in the blog world. This is how Bobbi Jo described the award:

"We each have one thing or another that we struggle with , be it a personal issue or family we all seem to come together and support one another.
I love the many wonderful people I have met through blogging. I have laughed daily with some, cried with others and prayed for many of you daily."

I could not agree more! I have been on the receiving end of some great bloggy love from friends where I live to friends far away to friends I have never even met, and I love in return sending out bloggy love. So I have chosen these great blog friends to give the Sisterhood Award to:

Brenda at Three Little Men and Me
Jennifer P at The Peterson's go Public
Theresa at No Bologna Zone!
Sally at Sparkly Squares
Jori at Jeff& Me + three
Kory at Families are Everything
Stacey at The SPASM Family

If you accept this award, the rules are...
1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 10 blogs which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude!
3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post
4. Let them know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received the award.

Chocoholics Anonymous-French Silk Double Chocolate Oreo Cake

2009-02-27T17:30:00.005-06:00

Let me start by saying today was a "chocolate emergency kit" day, or in other words my 12 year old son, who shall remain nameless, but the letters B-E-and N are in his name, was driving me absolutely BONKERS! From sun up to sun down, 100% BONKERS! So when I started to type this post about this extremely yummy, chocolaty, rich French Silk Double Chocolate Oreo Cake, that I made LAST WEEK it almost put me over the top. Hence the reason my "chocolate emergency kit" is almost gone!!

Oh this cake really is just delicious, but I do warn you, the French Silk portion does contain raw eggs. I did a little research, technically I guess your not supposed to eat raw eggs, but my family has been making this for years, and athletes have been downing raw eggs for breakfast for ages and none of us have been struck with the avian flu or salmonella poisoning. It's up to your own personal comfort, and if you know of a good pasteurized egg product, be my guest. But here's the recipe as we make it. Also the cake part is basically a box mix all jazzed up, easy cheesy! Enjoy!

French Silk Double Chocolate Oreo Cake

Double chocolate cake:

1 box any flavor chocolate cake mix

3 eggs

1 box chocolate pudding

1 c mini chocolate chips

1 1/2 c evaporated milk

1/2 oil

Mix cake according to directions but add pudding and bake according to box directions and pan size. Cool, wrap with plastic wrap and freeze for an hour. Freezing the cake only helps with frosting the cake with French Silk, so if you don't want to do this you really don't have to. When the hour is almost done make the French Silk.

French Silk:

1 1/2 sticks butter(only butter)

3/4 c cocoa

1/2 c sugar

2 t. vanilla

3 eggs

Cream together butter, sugar, 2 eggs, and vanilla. Add cocoa and mix on high speed for 6 minutes. Add the last egg and beat an additional 5 minutes on high.

To assemble cake:

1 package Oreo's

Double Chocolate Cake

French Silk

Coarsely crush around 10 Oreo's and cut in half about 5-10 Oreo's. When you frost the cake sprinkle the crushed Oreo's in the middle layer on top of a layer of French Silk. Frost the cake as normal and arrange the halved Oreo's in a circle around the cake. If you want crush an additional amount and cover the top of cake in the center of the Oreo circle. It really makes a pretty cake, let alone yummy.

Happy Birthday Molly- Top 14 reasons why I love you

2009-02-20T08:08:00.013-06:00

Happy Birthday Molly Elizabeth, my first born, my guinea pig, my lovely lady. Sometimes I wonder if I teach you as much as you teach me. I feel extremely blessed to have been granted the care and raising of such a choice, strong young woman. 14 years have flown by, I can hardly believe that 14 years ago I became a mom, the one job I always wanted. Thank you my sweet Molly for being, well, YOU!

14 Reasons Why I Love You SO Much!

1. You have the sweetest smile in the world. I can be in the foulest of moods, but as soon as you smile, my Molly brings sunlight to my day.

2. Santa's little helper, mommy's little helper, Mrs. Bennet's little helper..... I could go on and on. No one has to ask you to help, you just offer. Whether it's for help at ballet, school, home, you jump in and help.

3. A stubborn streak to rival yo mommas! What was Heavenly Father thinking putting to extremely determined people in the same house, oh help us. The great thing about being stubborn is that once you are determined nothing stands in your way.

4. Passion! I adore the passion and love you have for ballet. I think I pop at least 3 buttons every recital, I should take stock in the button industry. You have a grace and confidence that every 14 year old should have.

5. Just like your Daddy you never met a man you didn't like. I honestly can say, cross my heart, hope to die, that I NEVER hear a negative or unkind word about any of your friends, semi-friends, heck, any person you know. (Secretly this drives me insane!)

6. Grace under fire and the ability to bounce back are qualities that every person strives for, at 14 you're doing a pretty good job at mastering both. When you injured your knee I was proud at your desire to jump right back into the game.

7. You have a tender heart Molly. When a kiss is needed you give it, when a knee is bleeding you mend it. I will never forget the kindergarten field trip that you brought band aids to just in case one of your classmates got a boo boo. And what happened? Someone scraped their knee and you literally went running to them with a band aid in hand.

8. Music soothes your soul, plus you do have a pretty good sense of what's rockin'! I can jam to any of the music on your ipod, especially Rascal Flats, Twilight, and shhh, the Jonas Brothers.

9. I love your sweet little dimple, just one, not two. You could win any cutie pie contest with that one little dimple on your cheek.

10. You have a softness about you even perfect strangers notice. When Emma was born my OB, after meeting you in the delivery room, struck up a 1/2 hour conversation about the inner glow she noticed in my oldest baby. There is a light shining in you no one can deny.

11. I love that you have no qualms stating the fact that changing a diaper is gross and disgusting, you tells it like it is girlie! Yuck, ewww, gross, no-way, let Katie do it, all phrases that have been uttered from your mouth. BUT, you still do it. And yes Molly, changing diapers is gross, disgusting, yuck, ewww, and Katie can do it whenever she wants too.

12. You've never had a problem holding your own with Ben. Bitefest USA, as Daddy called it, was not an event because you were a meek and mild child with your crazy little brother. You would stand stubbornly strong, quality #3 in full force, when Ben would do his boy thang!

13. I've always seen your inner mommy, a desire to nurture, cuddle, and care for people. You and Ben are 16 months apart, not that far, especially when you were just a little tyke. One day I was making dinner and the baby was crying in the bouncer for just a little attention. What did mother Molly do? You lifted that baby out(as I watched with caution) and cradled and rocked the baby to calm them down. Diapers eww, cuddle aww!

14. I knew the moment you were born that Daddy's genes ran strong with you. As the years have gone by you don't necessarily look like him as much anymore, but his personality traits are your personality traits. Take pride in being just like your dad, I know he did.

Happy 14th Birthday Molly!

Celebrating a Life!

2009-02-12T00:32:00.000-06:00

Today would be Duane's 36th birthday, 35 years was just not long enough, but 35 more wouldn't have been either. I miss him horribly, miss all that there was to him. His smile, laugh, clicking jaw, tushy, you name it I miss it.

I wanted to share with everyone just a smattering of the life that Duane lived, and he lived truly a remarkable and wonderful life(not meaning to sound like a movie). I hope you capture a glimpse of who he was, what he loved and why he fought so hard to live. Enjoy!
Duane and Darrell, his big brother

The first time I saw this pic I thought Duane had leukemia! He was so bald.

Haven't I seen this face before? Could be any one of my Kindergartners.

We all have those pictures!

Family shot, Duane, Richard, Phyllis, and Darrell

Can we say Ben? or maybe Hannah? heck how about all of them!

Duane named one of his hamsters Tracy after a girl in school he had a crush on.

This was the boy I fell in love with, isn't he a cutie!

Lovebirds!

Engagement Picture, so formal!

My goofball!

Couldn't have been happier that day! Amazing how you think that you will never love them more than you do on your wedding day, so false! Love grows and grows and grows!

This was taken at our house in Stillwater, loved that little blue house.

2006

2007 Thanksgiving, right after he was diagnosed.

One of my favorite pictures, this was taken in Colorado. I really was a very romantic feeling looking at him for that picture.

Thanks Angela for the beautiful creation. Again this was Thanksgiving 2007.

Our last Christmas together. Duane was reading 'Twas the night before Christmas, his little part of Christmas Eve.

Ben's baptism

Duane and Emma. He loved holding his babies.

Molly and baby Ben.

Our wonderful trip to DisneyWorld. We only had 4 kids!

I don't know which baby that is, I think it's Hannah, but Duane's face just says it all!

Molly and Ben

Daddy and Jack

Daddy daughter dance, just one of many pictures we have. The girls loved going on a date with their daddy.

Molly and Katie

Duane's last birthday. We now prize that superman mug, it's the "special" mug.

Goofball times 3!

That was the best cake, couldn't have been more perfect.

Duane's last birthday at the time I just thought was maybe a little over the top, I mean he was going to live many years passed his 35th. Just one of the many small blessings we were given. I am so glad to have shared his last birthday with so many friends and family, making his birthday a true Celebration of His Life!

Happy Birthday my love, I miss you, I love you, I can't wait to kiss you again!