Doorbells

I think we've all done it. As kids, I think we've all enjoyed it. But nothing could compare from my childhood or be sweeter to me than that ding dong ditch I received this morning. That sweet sound of the doorbell ringing, opening the front door and finding a beautiful bouquet of fall flowers. Thank you dear secret friend for bringing a smile to my face and happy tears to my eyes.
I can't express in words adequately how tough this past month has been. The anticipation of marking off the calendar one year since Duane's passing. But really the one year calendar dates won't start on November 10, they've started already. It was late August at the parent back to school night when we first noticed the jaundice in his eyes. Mid September when we discovered the cancer had come back and chemo would start all over again. The beginning of October when he finally decided that he just couldn't work anymore and took a months leave of absence, not knowing that would be the wisest thing he would ever do. To spend that last month none stop with Duane was such a sweet blessing to me and especially the young babies, Emma and Hannah.

When Duane passed I assumed that one year was a long time. Foolish girl. It's just a drop in the bucket. My heart still aches, hurts and will do so for a long time. When my eternal glasses break it's so hard to see past the temporal separation that Duane and I are enduring. And yes, I do believe that even though my sweetheart is happy, pain free and in a peaceful place that he feels the separation just as I do. You don't loose that love, it never fades, if anything it just grows and evolves.

Thank you my doorbell friend for readjusting my eternal glasses, setting them straight, and putting me once again back on the straight path. It's a long hard journey ahead. I need those little kicks in the rear especially when they're in flower form.